Did you guys hear the rumor that North Korea's "fans" at the World Cup are well... not North Koreans...?
There are rumors circulating that, due to North Korea's president, Kim Jong IL's laws permitting most people from leaving the country in most situations, they raffled off over 1,000 tickets to Chinese citizens. Now, like I said, this is just a rumor but, if it is true, my question is... why are they even participating? It's obvious dictator Jong doesn't want his country to be part of the rest of the world... why would they want to be part of the World Cup? This is like a really mean, unlikable kid running for class president.... even if he would do a good job... nobody's really going to root for him. And just like those really mean, unlikable kids, they have one friend who acts as their manager and encourages their bad behaviour who is,in this case, China.
I seriously love the World Cup. I love the energy, the excitement, the game (of course) but I really love the passion everyone feels when they are rooting for their country and I think it would be insane if North Korea's people could not be present to root for their country like everyone else. I have been planning on visiting South Korea within the next couple years, and it's amazing to think that so many of the people that live there were just lucky to be born on the "right side of the fence".
After hearing about this, I decided to look up what one has to do to travel to North Korea. According to the US State Department, you may only go to North Korea as a tourist and you must be in a group. You cannot stay and work. You cannot get a visa to visit North Korea in the US, you have to obtain the visa in Bejing and basically, if you need help, ask Sweden... haha... no, seriously. Maybe it's just part of my mischievous personality, but the fact that I am not particularly wanted in North Korea really makes me want to go. Maybe divvy out a few hugs and show them we're really not all that bad. And what really bothers me is I know the majority of the people in North Korea probably do not think ill of us at all, but as it is for all countries, the people speaking the loudest are heard most often and, in North Korea's case, it is unfortunate who is speaking for them.
Well, maybe one day I will dust off my fanny pack, join a tourist group headed north of the DMZ and see what this mysterious place is all about.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
The best worst weekend ever
It all seemed so perfect: A Valentine's weekend spent in a cabin in the North Georgia Mountains. Wine, food, hot tubs, and hours and hours of uninterrupted time with a loved one. When Jason called me and surprised me with a cabin booked for the weekend in the Blue Ridge Mountains I squealed with excitement! He had planned two perfect days in the wilderness and a trip to the circus the day we came home. It was PERFECT. In fact, I thought about the trip every single day of the week leading up to the get-away.
Snow warnings were looming but I just knew we would make it there until Friday came around and it was starting to look unlikely that our dream weekend would become a reality. As the snow began to fall in sheets, my department was sent home early from work and I drove home as quickly as I could knowing that time was of the essence if we wanted to make it to the cabin on time.
Jason picked me up against the advice of my parents... and the majority of Metro Atlanta... with two bouquets of roses and a promise of a one-of-a-kind weekend... which it certainly turned out to be. Hours and hours of traffic later we were reaching our destination at a snail's pace. As we got closer and closer to our cabin the roads got smaller, darker, and slicker. As we pulled around the final bend and reached the road our cabin was on, our trusty Camry did its best to climb the snow covered hill only to slide back onto a snowy patch on the road. Now, not only were we unsure if we could reach our cabin, we were unsure we would be able to reach ANYTHING! We were stuck... we had come all this way and we were STUCK but, worst of all, I was in danger of my parents being right!
So we began to brainstorm... should be push the car out of the snow and drive home? Should we walk into the darkness and try to find our cabin? Should we just sleep in the car? Well, if you know me, you know that if I want to do something, I'm going to do it. After sitting in the car for about 30 minutes deciding what to do, Josh began to get squirmy and we knew we needed to get going. We began to pack up our stuff in a effort to climb up the icy hill and walk an unknown distance to our cabin. We steered the car out of the way of traffic and started to get our things together when a Pathfinder drove up and rolled down it's window.
We wondered: Was it a car full of strange mountain folk? A group of young, disenfranchised gang bangers? Thankfully, no. It was Dan and Georgie, a young married couple with kids on their way to a fun-filled weekend in the mountains. We both sighed with relief and explained our situation. Dan agreed to drop off his family and then come back for us so we could pack up our stuff in his car and be safely carried to our cabin thanks to his 4-wheel drive. He was gone for quite a while... long enough for me to lose the keys to the cabin we picked up at the office miles away. I was about to just lay down in the snow, give up, and let the universe decide if my stupid ass deserved to live when about 15 minutes later Jason unearthed our keys which, I'm not sure if I was delirious or if the keys were really actually glowing, but you get the picture.
So we finally made it to our cabin as our Camry lay abandoned, resting quietly in a pile of snow at the bottom of a seemingly endless hill but we didn't care. We were THERE. We thanked Dan with one of my bouquets of flowers and went inside the freezing cabin. And just as we set down the last of our luggage, Josh was taking a poop right in the middle of the floor... one of many he would take in the first hour of our arrival. Josh pooped everywhere twice that night. And it seemed like there was no amount of time spent outside that could prevent him from doing it again. I kind of took it as his own little way to avenge us after the horrible car ride we put him through.
But after we survived Josh's fecal fury, we decided to call it a night and go to bed. But then, Josh climbed up between us and peed in our bed. He PEED in the BED, people! Could this night get any worse?? Should we have just WALKED home?! We were so exhausted so all we could do was pull off the bed sheets and use the spare blankets from the closet. It only took about one minute to find out I was horribly allergic to them! My eyes turned red and itchy and I could feel the hives breaking out all over my body... needless to say, I was NOT a happy camper. But thanks to sheer exhaustion, I made it to sleep.
We woke up with the shared resolution of enjoying a peaceful Saturday. We made a big breakfast and hopped into the hot tub only to find that we could not think about anything else other than the fact that we might not be able to escape the woods without a tow truck. After a few hours of pretending not to be worried, we both gave in, agreed to cut our losses and just get the HELL outta there. The tow truck arrived, drove our car out of the snow and to a safer, dry road and we never looked back! Oh, but let's not forget that as I walked to the tow truck, I stepped on a patch of ice and wiped out in front of the towing crew... let's not forget THAT.
So we just drove home on the winding country roads listening to blue grass and just laughing about our disastrous weekend. We stopped to get an orange soda and realized the weekend was actually kind of awesome. It's fun to endure something like this with someone you love. It's fun to see how you both manage the catastrophes. We used to remainder of the day to eat Mexican food, take naps, watch movies and play video games at Dave and Busters... we had been though so much that weekend, we just didn't seem to want to stop DOING THINGS.
So I deem this past weekend as a one-of-a-kind experience... exactly what we wanted it to be... SUCCESS!
Snow warnings were looming but I just knew we would make it there until Friday came around and it was starting to look unlikely that our dream weekend would become a reality. As the snow began to fall in sheets, my department was sent home early from work and I drove home as quickly as I could knowing that time was of the essence if we wanted to make it to the cabin on time.
Jason picked me up against the advice of my parents... and the majority of Metro Atlanta... with two bouquets of roses and a promise of a one-of-a-kind weekend... which it certainly turned out to be. Hours and hours of traffic later we were reaching our destination at a snail's pace. As we got closer and closer to our cabin the roads got smaller, darker, and slicker. As we pulled around the final bend and reached the road our cabin was on, our trusty Camry did its best to climb the snow covered hill only to slide back onto a snowy patch on the road. Now, not only were we unsure if we could reach our cabin, we were unsure we would be able to reach ANYTHING! We were stuck... we had come all this way and we were STUCK but, worst of all, I was in danger of my parents being right!
So we began to brainstorm... should be push the car out of the snow and drive home? Should we walk into the darkness and try to find our cabin? Should we just sleep in the car? Well, if you know me, you know that if I want to do something, I'm going to do it. After sitting in the car for about 30 minutes deciding what to do, Josh began to get squirmy and we knew we needed to get going. We began to pack up our stuff in a effort to climb up the icy hill and walk an unknown distance to our cabin. We steered the car out of the way of traffic and started to get our things together when a Pathfinder drove up and rolled down it's window.
We wondered: Was it a car full of strange mountain folk? A group of young, disenfranchised gang bangers? Thankfully, no. It was Dan and Georgie, a young married couple with kids on their way to a fun-filled weekend in the mountains. We both sighed with relief and explained our situation. Dan agreed to drop off his family and then come back for us so we could pack up our stuff in his car and be safely carried to our cabin thanks to his 4-wheel drive. He was gone for quite a while... long enough for me to lose the keys to the cabin we picked up at the office miles away. I was about to just lay down in the snow, give up, and let the universe decide if my stupid ass deserved to live when about 15 minutes later Jason unearthed our keys which, I'm not sure if I was delirious or if the keys were really actually glowing, but you get the picture.
So we finally made it to our cabin as our Camry lay abandoned, resting quietly in a pile of snow at the bottom of a seemingly endless hill but we didn't care. We were THERE. We thanked Dan with one of my bouquets of flowers and went inside the freezing cabin. And just as we set down the last of our luggage, Josh was taking a poop right in the middle of the floor... one of many he would take in the first hour of our arrival. Josh pooped everywhere twice that night. And it seemed like there was no amount of time spent outside that could prevent him from doing it again. I kind of took it as his own little way to avenge us after the horrible car ride we put him through.
But after we survived Josh's fecal fury, we decided to call it a night and go to bed. But then, Josh climbed up between us and peed in our bed. He PEED in the BED, people! Could this night get any worse?? Should we have just WALKED home?! We were so exhausted so all we could do was pull off the bed sheets and use the spare blankets from the closet. It only took about one minute to find out I was horribly allergic to them! My eyes turned red and itchy and I could feel the hives breaking out all over my body... needless to say, I was NOT a happy camper. But thanks to sheer exhaustion, I made it to sleep.
We woke up with the shared resolution of enjoying a peaceful Saturday. We made a big breakfast and hopped into the hot tub only to find that we could not think about anything else other than the fact that we might not be able to escape the woods without a tow truck. After a few hours of pretending not to be worried, we both gave in, agreed to cut our losses and just get the HELL outta there. The tow truck arrived, drove our car out of the snow and to a safer, dry road and we never looked back! Oh, but let's not forget that as I walked to the tow truck, I stepped on a patch of ice and wiped out in front of the towing crew... let's not forget THAT.
So we just drove home on the winding country roads listening to blue grass and just laughing about our disastrous weekend. We stopped to get an orange soda and realized the weekend was actually kind of awesome. It's fun to endure something like this with someone you love. It's fun to see how you both manage the catastrophes. We used to remainder of the day to eat Mexican food, take naps, watch movies and play video games at Dave and Busters... we had been though so much that weekend, we just didn't seem to want to stop DOING THINGS.
So I deem this past weekend as a one-of-a-kind experience... exactly what we wanted it to be... SUCCESS!
Monday, January 18, 2010
2010... so different that anything is possible...
If you asked me just one year ago what my life would be like on January 18th, 2010 I can guarantee you that I would have been wrong. The past 6 months have been transformative to say the least. Enough sadness to ignite an insane ability to feel anything and everything. Enough happiness to feel reborn. Enough change to completely abandon all previous visions of my future and welcome new ones. Enough pain to be stronger than ever before. And enough love to feel like anything is possible.
I have found that life is more unpredictable than I had even previously suspected. It is completely surprising and it does not wait. Over the past 6 months my perception of life changed from something like a train making stop after stop to one where my only way on board is to run along side, catch a handle, and use all my strength to pull myself up and on board.
But it's amazing what all of this change has allowed me to do. It has allowed me to reconnect with myself, made me aware of my independence even while in the company of loved ones, pushed me to reevaluate what exactly it is I'm doing on this planet and, most importantly, it has made me learn to take life for the risky, painful, exciting and limitless adventure that it is...
“Adventure is a path. Real adventure - self-determined, self-motivated, often risky - forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind - and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.” - Mark Jenkins
So, as I begin 2010, I will try to not let this adventure beat me. I'm going to love hard, listen closely, breathe deeply, and, most importantly, be thankful for all of it : )
SONGS I LOVE IN JAN. 2010:
"Us" - Regina Spektor
"Just Say Yes" - Snow Patrol
"Sweet Disposition" - Temper Trap
"Cosmic Love" - Florence + The Machine
I have found that life is more unpredictable than I had even previously suspected. It is completely surprising and it does not wait. Over the past 6 months my perception of life changed from something like a train making stop after stop to one where my only way on board is to run along side, catch a handle, and use all my strength to pull myself up and on board.
But it's amazing what all of this change has allowed me to do. It has allowed me to reconnect with myself, made me aware of my independence even while in the company of loved ones, pushed me to reevaluate what exactly it is I'm doing on this planet and, most importantly, it has made me learn to take life for the risky, painful, exciting and limitless adventure that it is...
“Adventure is a path. Real adventure - self-determined, self-motivated, often risky - forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind - and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.” - Mark Jenkins
So, as I begin 2010, I will try to not let this adventure beat me. I'm going to love hard, listen closely, breathe deeply, and, most importantly, be thankful for all of it : )
SONGS I LOVE IN JAN. 2010:
"Us" - Regina Spektor
"Just Say Yes" - Snow Patrol
"Sweet Disposition" - Temper Trap
"Cosmic Love" - Florence + The Machine
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The Landmark Forum
I recently attended The Landmark Forum as a "right of passage" for work. My company believes in sending all employees taking on a management role to this three-day intensive self-improvement workshop in an effort to recognize and conquer any mental or emotional obstacles we may have to help us be the best managers we can be. Really... this is all fancy-speak for group therapy, something I never saw myself taking part in, but seeing as it was something offered by my company, I wanted to see why lululemon felt so passionate about this course and what it might be able to offer me.
Upon walking in the room, a strange feeling took over me. There were one hundred and twelve chairs facing a podium with chalk boards and microphones on each side, banners declaring our right to live a life we love decorating the blank, windowless walls, and a long table lining the back of the room where "Landmark supervisors" would watch our every move. Needless to say, I was officially out of my comfort zone and a bit scared of what the next three thirteen-hour days ahead of me were going to be like. The cult-y posters and freakishly friendly Landmark supervisors made me feel like we were all going to put on a new pair of Nikes and drink Kool-aid at the end of this experience... but I was determined to learn something that weekend, no matter how uncomfortable I was.
The way The Forum works is there are intervals of about 2 to 3 hours were we cover certain topics like integrity, our relationships with our parents, finding completeness and/or forgiveness with past relationships, ect. and we are asked to go up to the microphone and share our personal stories and what we've learned from the conversations... so this isn't just group therapy, it's group therapy on a microphone in front of 112 people... pretty intimidating. But, you all know me and know that, if I am going to spend 13 hours a day in a little room devoid of natural lighting and constantly adjusting my posture to keep my butt from falling asleep, I'm going to go for it- I'm going to go up to that damn microphone and tell all of these strangers my problems because I am going to get something out of this, damnit!
Well, let me tell you... There is nothing more surreal than standing in front of a room full of strangers, talking about your personal problems as people sit there nodding their heads while the Forum leader analyzes your life. It drove me nuts to hear people letting out loud "UH HUH's" to the things the Landmark leader said as if they had just "figured me out". It felt like a weird Dr.Phil-esk dream where your life is being dissected before your very eyes and you are being summed up to be something that vaguely resembles the real-self you've determined your self to be. After I shared, I walked back to my seat, crossed my arms and declared that I didn't like this "thing" and was done participating. I started to day dream about small disasters that could potentially be my reason to escape this strange setting. I wanted to forget as soon as possible the fact that I had just spilled my guts to all of these random people that seemed to be watching my life like a tv show. I called my manager at break and told her Landmark was not for me but I would complete the day. I started to mentally check out...
But then, after a short mental break, a kit kat bar from the vending machine, and a renewed desire to get something out of this strange experience, I walked back into the conference room and decided to be present. Not just physically, but mentally. I was going to listen, be open to the possibility that I might eventually like or be thankful for this experience, and truly give Landmark my best shot. Person after person walked up to the mic. We listened to people share some of their darkest secrets. Many people broke down and it was hard to not fall apart as you watched these people lose control of their emotions and sob into the mic. It was in those moments where I thought to myself, "Where am I??". But, as I listened closer and closer, I began to understand the benefit of hearing someone's story and differentiating between "the story" and "what actually happened". This was the first Landmark concept that spoke to me.
"The story" is something we create to describe something that happened to us in the past. It's a way of getting sympathy, creating a scene, or just a way to re-live a bad experience that happened to us over and over. We discovered again and again as people brought their "stories" up to the mic that when you broke a situation down to just identifying "what happened", it is much easier to achieve closure. We also talked about the fact that the past only exists in the spoken word. The past does not exist today on its own, we bring it here. It is an active choice to leave the past in the past and it is a choice to let things simply be "things that happened". Stories allow us to create excuses for our lives and our behavior. We say things like, "because someone hurt me, I can act in this destructive way" and it just doesn't make sense.
I realized how often in my "stories" I blamed things and excused things for "bad timing". "Good timing" does not exist. "Timing" is an excuse. An excuse to not work for something you want. It's an excuse to push something away that could be good for you because you don't feel "ready" when, in reality, things can fall apart just as quickly as they come together and if there really is such a thing as "good timing" it is a temporary moment that should never be expected from anyone. Timing just IS.
But I think the thing that I felt I got the most out of from this course was relating closure with forgiveness. I learned that we often expect that when we forgive someone or try to experience closure, we often search for a emotional shift or complete change in opinion to allow us to go through with it, but forgiveness and closure are both, in actuality, declarations. They are commitments based on decisions, not emotion. If you want closure, you declare it- if you truly are committed to that closure, you will achieve it over time. That was a huge discovery for me and something I will remember for the rest of my life.
d
So,on the beginning of the third day, after hours and hours of sob stories, fidgeting in my chair, and writing dozens of closure letters that would never be sent, we were asked to turn to our neighbor and discuss what we had learned so far in The Forum. My partner was a 60+ year-old man who worked as the Director of Science at the CDC and he asked me what I thought about my experience thus far and I said, "Well, I have definitely learned a lot, but I really don't like the actual experience. I don't like therapy and I've just felt really uncomfortable the past two days". That's when he said "Wait- Landmark is not about "liking it". What's to like? All of this intense emotion pent up in this little room, barely moving for days, and being intensely interviewed and analyzed... nothing about this experience is designed for you to "like" it... it's designed to teach you about yourself." And that's when I "got it".
Whether I liked it or not, I walked out of the Landmark Forum a stronger, smarter person. A better communicator and a better friend. No, I never want to do it again, but the closure I have achieved by attending this program and the inner-strength I have developed in invaluable. And it is by attending this Forum that I can let go of my ego and admit how much I learned from this program instead of just falsely committing to "being right". I would recommend this program to anyone and am so thankful my company offered me this opportunity.
And, I know I have said this a lot in the past few months, but, if I have learned anything, it's that I know nothing and I am getting more and more comfortable with that fact everyday.
Upon walking in the room, a strange feeling took over me. There were one hundred and twelve chairs facing a podium with chalk boards and microphones on each side, banners declaring our right to live a life we love decorating the blank, windowless walls, and a long table lining the back of the room where "Landmark supervisors" would watch our every move. Needless to say, I was officially out of my comfort zone and a bit scared of what the next three thirteen-hour days ahead of me were going to be like. The cult-y posters and freakishly friendly Landmark supervisors made me feel like we were all going to put on a new pair of Nikes and drink Kool-aid at the end of this experience... but I was determined to learn something that weekend, no matter how uncomfortable I was.
The way The Forum works is there are intervals of about 2 to 3 hours were we cover certain topics like integrity, our relationships with our parents, finding completeness and/or forgiveness with past relationships, ect. and we are asked to go up to the microphone and share our personal stories and what we've learned from the conversations... so this isn't just group therapy, it's group therapy on a microphone in front of 112 people... pretty intimidating. But, you all know me and know that, if I am going to spend 13 hours a day in a little room devoid of natural lighting and constantly adjusting my posture to keep my butt from falling asleep, I'm going to go for it- I'm going to go up to that damn microphone and tell all of these strangers my problems because I am going to get something out of this, damnit!
Well, let me tell you... There is nothing more surreal than standing in front of a room full of strangers, talking about your personal problems as people sit there nodding their heads while the Forum leader analyzes your life. It drove me nuts to hear people letting out loud "UH HUH's" to the things the Landmark leader said as if they had just "figured me out". It felt like a weird Dr.Phil-esk dream where your life is being dissected before your very eyes and you are being summed up to be something that vaguely resembles the real-self you've determined your self to be. After I shared, I walked back to my seat, crossed my arms and declared that I didn't like this "thing" and was done participating. I started to day dream about small disasters that could potentially be my reason to escape this strange setting. I wanted to forget as soon as possible the fact that I had just spilled my guts to all of these random people that seemed to be watching my life like a tv show. I called my manager at break and told her Landmark was not for me but I would complete the day. I started to mentally check out...
But then, after a short mental break, a kit kat bar from the vending machine, and a renewed desire to get something out of this strange experience, I walked back into the conference room and decided to be present. Not just physically, but mentally. I was going to listen, be open to the possibility that I might eventually like or be thankful for this experience, and truly give Landmark my best shot. Person after person walked up to the mic. We listened to people share some of their darkest secrets. Many people broke down and it was hard to not fall apart as you watched these people lose control of their emotions and sob into the mic. It was in those moments where I thought to myself, "Where am I??". But, as I listened closer and closer, I began to understand the benefit of hearing someone's story and differentiating between "the story" and "what actually happened". This was the first Landmark concept that spoke to me.
"The story" is something we create to describe something that happened to us in the past. It's a way of getting sympathy, creating a scene, or just a way to re-live a bad experience that happened to us over and over. We discovered again and again as people brought their "stories" up to the mic that when you broke a situation down to just identifying "what happened", it is much easier to achieve closure. We also talked about the fact that the past only exists in the spoken word. The past does not exist today on its own, we bring it here. It is an active choice to leave the past in the past and it is a choice to let things simply be "things that happened". Stories allow us to create excuses for our lives and our behavior. We say things like, "because someone hurt me, I can act in this destructive way" and it just doesn't make sense.
I realized how often in my "stories" I blamed things and excused things for "bad timing". "Good timing" does not exist. "Timing" is an excuse. An excuse to not work for something you want. It's an excuse to push something away that could be good for you because you don't feel "ready" when, in reality, things can fall apart just as quickly as they come together and if there really is such a thing as "good timing" it is a temporary moment that should never be expected from anyone. Timing just IS.
But I think the thing that I felt I got the most out of from this course was relating closure with forgiveness. I learned that we often expect that when we forgive someone or try to experience closure, we often search for a emotional shift or complete change in opinion to allow us to go through with it, but forgiveness and closure are both, in actuality, declarations. They are commitments based on decisions, not emotion. If you want closure, you declare it- if you truly are committed to that closure, you will achieve it over time. That was a huge discovery for me and something I will remember for the rest of my life.
d
So,on the beginning of the third day, after hours and hours of sob stories, fidgeting in my chair, and writing dozens of closure letters that would never be sent, we were asked to turn to our neighbor and discuss what we had learned so far in The Forum. My partner was a 60+ year-old man who worked as the Director of Science at the CDC and he asked me what I thought about my experience thus far and I said, "Well, I have definitely learned a lot, but I really don't like the actual experience. I don't like therapy and I've just felt really uncomfortable the past two days". That's when he said "Wait- Landmark is not about "liking it". What's to like? All of this intense emotion pent up in this little room, barely moving for days, and being intensely interviewed and analyzed... nothing about this experience is designed for you to "like" it... it's designed to teach you about yourself." And that's when I "got it".
Whether I liked it or not, I walked out of the Landmark Forum a stronger, smarter person. A better communicator and a better friend. No, I never want to do it again, but the closure I have achieved by attending this program and the inner-strength I have developed in invaluable. And it is by attending this Forum that I can let go of my ego and admit how much I learned from this program instead of just falsely committing to "being right". I would recommend this program to anyone and am so thankful my company offered me this opportunity.
And, I know I have said this a lot in the past few months, but, if I have learned anything, it's that I know nothing and I am getting more and more comfortable with that fact everyday.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Crazy Dog Lady
I have definitely become a bit of a crazy dog lady.
I noticed this yesterday when I was talking to a friend and I started my sentence with, "My dog and I always..." and I was like, "Oh my god, I talk about my dog like he's a person all the time! I am becoming one of THOSE people!!!"
Yes, I have hundreds of pictures of him, talk about him to strangers like he is human, and even plan hang out time with him on the weekends, but, I mean, how can I not? My dog is freaking hilarious. How many dogs do you know that sleep later than their owners? I am the only person I know that has to wake their dog up in the morning to go outside. Even as I'm writing this in my pj's in the living room, Josh just sleepily walked into the room after just waking up. I have been up and moving for over an hour!
Josh has all sorts of weird social issues and habits. Whenever there is a group of new people visiting me, there is about an 85% chance he will start sprinting around all of us in circles until he completely runs out of energy. He is obsessed with being squished. He will always has to find the tiniest spaces and squeeze into them to sleep. And I just walk in on him doing weird things all the time. Just last week I walked into my roommates room to find him sitting and staring directly at a painting- HAHA! He also went through a weird phase about 2 years ago where he would go find a bra in my room and bring it out into the living room-wtf?? hahaha! And don't get me started on the fact that he will literally sit and chew on his own foot for hours on end and the only command I can use to get him to stop is, "JOSH! That is NOT a chicken wing"! haha!
In case you didn't know, Josh was a rescue. I got him from the Humane Society when he was about three years old so he already had a strong personality and a lot of weird habits I had to get used to. For example, you know when you stick your tongue out and blow through your lips to make that fart sound? Josh is scared to DEATH of that sound. He will literally get up and run out of the room and hide under a bed. How does something like that happen?? What kind of weird, farting freak owned Josh before me??
But despite all of his weird social issues and strange habits, I just love this dog! ...Even if he literally walks on my face almost every night.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Life P.B.... Post Break-Up
It's hard to explain the complex emotions that follow a break up. Feelings of sadness- of course, liberation, excitement, fear, anger, confusion, hope, reignited passion for self-development and maybe even a better love. Life P.B. is a whirlwind for sure. I will be walking down the street, swaying my hips like I own the world and suddenly a massive wave of emotion will practically knock me over. I will all of a sudden feel sad or disoriented. I think this is mostly because I am in the process of rediscovering how to live my daily life. Everything feels new. I've said this before but, because I have been in a relationship so long, the only real perception of the single life I have is from TV. And TV tells me that I should be walking around in sexy little outfits, acting sassy, dating all sorts of random people I encounter in the street, working for some women's magazine writing about relationships and spending tons of money I don't have one shoes. As far as I know, this IS the single life... I really won't be able to report back to you until later...
Speaking of mixed emotions, during a break-up, it seems like every F-ing song is speaking to you. Everything from the line in the Fray song "younger now than we were before" to "It's Raining Men" seems like it is supposed to be a reflection of what my life should be like or how I'm feeling. All sorts of songs sound different now. I found myself saying out loud in my car the other day, "Is every f-ing song about love!?!?" That is something I would have never noticed before this. Write about something else, people!
But let me ask you one thing... where did all of these FREAKS come from? When I was in a relationship, men would still ask me out occasionally but they were decent guys that seemed to have things going for them... now that I am single, I am finding myself in the middle of some twisted freak show where random men are licking their teeth at me at the gas station and practically eye-raping me near public restrooms... WTF!? I have to say that I am truly concerned about the state of men at the moment, but I guess it will take meeting a really good one to change my mind.
On a side note, I have always had really vivid dreams about things going on in my life, my fears, my worries, and occasionally something pleasent, but that is very rare. And, let me tell you, my fear of re-entering the dating scene had made itself known in my subconcious even deep into my REM cycle. I have to tell you about this one dream I had two nights ago...
So I had a dream I was running in a 5K with my manager, Missy, and met this guy who looks like a young "Andy" from "The Office". We had a great conversation and then he asked me to go with him for coffee. I told him that I needed to go home to change and I could take him and Missy back to my place while I got ready to go. He came up to my room and we started to make out when he pulled back and said the weirdest F-ing thing I've ever heard..."There are only two kinds of people in the world. The people who have sex with adults and the people who have sex with children". I immediately jumped back and said "what kind of sick thing is that to say!?!?! This is over- I am not going ANYWHERE with you!" He then stomped out of the room like I was the freak, and went to the basement.
I texted Missy something like "This guy is a freak. Let's just go drop him back at the race" and she never responded... I thought that was fishy, so I went down to the basement only to find that he had TIED HER UP and was going to KILL her!! I tried to run back up stairs when he grabbed my ankle and pulled my down. So... ok, this part is really strange, but if you had been to the self-defense course I had taken the week before you would know why this would have happened in my dream... so after he pulled me down the stairs I ripped his eyes out! Yes, people, I, Leighton, ripped a man's eyes out in my dream. Ha ha... wow... I think this dream accurately depicts my ridiculous fear of dating right now, and I actually am even laughing as I am typing it!
Ironically, one of my best friends dreamed the same night about the man I'm meant to be with and left me a message the next morning about it so I could keep my eyes open... BTW, if you meet any African men with thick accents getting their Masters in Social Work at GA State that love to dance and have impeccable style... that's him, I guess. Ask Erin.
Anyways, I am sure this phase of my life will be a very interesting one. One full of hilarious and crazy stories, amazing and horrifying life lessons, and maybe even some pure, unadultarated bliss. I have yet to have an official opinion of this new stage of my life, but I am sure that, if it is nothing else, it will be ...interesting.
Speaking of mixed emotions, during a break-up, it seems like every F-ing song is speaking to you. Everything from the line in the Fray song "younger now than we were before" to "It's Raining Men" seems like it is supposed to be a reflection of what my life should be like or how I'm feeling. All sorts of songs sound different now. I found myself saying out loud in my car the other day, "Is every f-ing song about love!?!?" That is something I would have never noticed before this. Write about something else, people!
But let me ask you one thing... where did all of these FREAKS come from? When I was in a relationship, men would still ask me out occasionally but they were decent guys that seemed to have things going for them... now that I am single, I am finding myself in the middle of some twisted freak show where random men are licking their teeth at me at the gas station and practically eye-raping me near public restrooms... WTF!? I have to say that I am truly concerned about the state of men at the moment, but I guess it will take meeting a really good one to change my mind.
On a side note, I have always had really vivid dreams about things going on in my life, my fears, my worries, and occasionally something pleasent, but that is very rare. And, let me tell you, my fear of re-entering the dating scene had made itself known in my subconcious even deep into my REM cycle. I have to tell you about this one dream I had two nights ago...
So I had a dream I was running in a 5K with my manager, Missy, and met this guy who looks like a young "Andy" from "The Office". We had a great conversation and then he asked me to go with him for coffee. I told him that I needed to go home to change and I could take him and Missy back to my place while I got ready to go. He came up to my room and we started to make out when he pulled back and said the weirdest F-ing thing I've ever heard..."There are only two kinds of people in the world. The people who have sex with adults and the people who have sex with children". I immediately jumped back and said "what kind of sick thing is that to say!?!?! This is over- I am not going ANYWHERE with you!" He then stomped out of the room like I was the freak, and went to the basement.
I texted Missy something like "This guy is a freak. Let's just go drop him back at the race" and she never responded... I thought that was fishy, so I went down to the basement only to find that he had TIED HER UP and was going to KILL her!! I tried to run back up stairs when he grabbed my ankle and pulled my down. So... ok, this part is really strange, but if you had been to the self-defense course I had taken the week before you would know why this would have happened in my dream... so after he pulled me down the stairs I ripped his eyes out! Yes, people, I, Leighton, ripped a man's eyes out in my dream. Ha ha... wow... I think this dream accurately depicts my ridiculous fear of dating right now, and I actually am even laughing as I am typing it!
Ironically, one of my best friends dreamed the same night about the man I'm meant to be with and left me a message the next morning about it so I could keep my eyes open... BTW, if you meet any African men with thick accents getting their Masters in Social Work at GA State that love to dance and have impeccable style... that's him, I guess. Ask Erin.
Anyways, I am sure this phase of my life will be a very interesting one. One full of hilarious and crazy stories, amazing and horrifying life lessons, and maybe even some pure, unadultarated bliss. I have yet to have an official opinion of this new stage of my life, but I am sure that, if it is nothing else, it will be ...interesting.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Broken Hearts Club
I titled this entry after a very random conversation I had with a waiter yesterday. I went to a restaurant with a good friend to cheer up, have some good conversation, and decide how I am going to rebuild my life after a crushing breakup that happened the day before. We were laughing, talking, and basically discovering that I will be totally fine when the waiter, who I had met through a friend months before asked me how I was doing after my friend went to the restroom.
I hate this question right now... Can I really force myself to say. "fine"? Really? And, if you know me, you KNOW I am the worst liar on the planet and whenever I feel something, I feel it all the way and it is written all over my face.
I went from laughing and feeling like my normal self, to someone who just realized that their life had just completely changed in a blink of an eye. My eyes welled up a bit and I said... "Honestly...not that great." He pulled up a chair and sat down. After talking for a few minutes I discovered he was dealing with the same EXACT thing I am dealing with right now and immediately my perspective on the world changed. I was not the only person piecing their life back together that Sunday.
The night before I was convinced that I was the saddest person on Earth. The only person dealing with any real pain. And the only person that ever really loved someone all the way. After talking with him and hearing the pain that he was dealing with and covering up just like I was, I took a look around the restaurant and thought about all of the people who have hurt and are still hurting. I am not the only one to ever lose something important to them. And, although it makes me sad to know of all the pain there is in the world, it made me realize that people all over are just MOVING ON and not becoming the thing that they are sad about.
Just as it's a choice to wake up and love someone everyday, it is also a choice to let yourself succumb to an emotion that will not benefit your life. With a combination of my own passion and confidence, the amazing support from friends and family I had had that day, and the unexpected "broken hearts club meeting" I had with my waiter, I left feeling so empowered, supported, and understood. Who knew some random waiter could change my entire perspective on my break up? and maybe even the way I look at people in general...
I am feeling much better.
I hate this question right now... Can I really force myself to say. "fine"? Really? And, if you know me, you KNOW I am the worst liar on the planet and whenever I feel something, I feel it all the way and it is written all over my face.
I went from laughing and feeling like my normal self, to someone who just realized that their life had just completely changed in a blink of an eye. My eyes welled up a bit and I said... "Honestly...not that great." He pulled up a chair and sat down. After talking for a few minutes I discovered he was dealing with the same EXACT thing I am dealing with right now and immediately my perspective on the world changed. I was not the only person piecing their life back together that Sunday.
The night before I was convinced that I was the saddest person on Earth. The only person dealing with any real pain. And the only person that ever really loved someone all the way. After talking with him and hearing the pain that he was dealing with and covering up just like I was, I took a look around the restaurant and thought about all of the people who have hurt and are still hurting. I am not the only one to ever lose something important to them. And, although it makes me sad to know of all the pain there is in the world, it made me realize that people all over are just MOVING ON and not becoming the thing that they are sad about.
Just as it's a choice to wake up and love someone everyday, it is also a choice to let yourself succumb to an emotion that will not benefit your life. With a combination of my own passion and confidence, the amazing support from friends and family I had had that day, and the unexpected "broken hearts club meeting" I had with my waiter, I left feeling so empowered, supported, and understood. Who knew some random waiter could change my entire perspective on my break up? and maybe even the way I look at people in general...
I am feeling much better.
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