Improvement

There is something really inspiring about being in an undesirable place in your life. I guess that's partly due to the fact that there is nowhere to go but up, and partly due to the fact that there is so much time to think about what's missing and how you are going to get it. I have to admit, this is really the first time in my life that I feel like I'm in the wrong place... not too bad for 22 years, but still worrisome nonetheless. But learning about what you don't want is sometimes just as important as finding out what you do want, and, well, I am doing a lot of that these days.

I think a lot of people are comfortable with their job being their job and their life being their life. I am finding out more and more each day, I am not one of those people. I always tell people, "I feel everything". I cannot separate myself from my work. After all, it's MY time and MY ideas... it IS me. That is why I have always been attracted to humanitarian careers and service jobs. I want to have the opportunity to improve something for someone else every day. Whether it's helping to raise HIV/AIDS awareness to save lives, or just bringing food to some one's table and making them smile, I just really like and need to improve things around me. I don't feel whole unless I see, hear, and feel my impact on others.

I'm sure that is due to the fact that I know how much I appreciate someone going out of their way to make me smile or feel comfortable, and based on the things others have done for me in the past, I know how much better it makes me feel about humanity and my community afterwards. I think that if everybody went a little out of their way for others, FAR more people would find charitable giving valuable, and far more people would actually feel concern for the future of their planet and the people on it.

So lately I have found myself being very open to new ideas of a more suitable life for myself. A life where I actually am aware of what the weather is outside without someone telling me, or a life where my peers share a similar desire to improve the environment around them, even just by making people smile.

I have been considering taking a long mission trip, teaching English in a foreign country, working on a cruise ship, or working in community outreach in a more grassroots type of non-profit... but I am also considering making the most out of my current situation, and trying to find ways to enjoy my job the way I need to in order to be happy. THAT would be ideal.

But, no matter how lost I feel in my professional life, I couldn't feel more sound in my personal one. This past weekend was such a gift. I am so damn lucky to have so much love in my life. Loyal, funny friends, a family that finds me to be so fabulous that I can't help but start to believe it, and a supportive, unconditionally loving boyfriend who wants me to have everything I want. I mean, unfulfilling job aside, that is pretty damn good life.

So I will continue to search for a way to feel good at work but, in the mean time, I am going to improve upon myself. Starting with health.

I am so excited to achieve my new fitness and health goals. Losing a little weight, not missing yoga classes to maintain my mental sanity, and trying to give up some of the food choices I have been making lately (basically everything found in a Mexican restaurant needs to become my enemy). I am choosing to focus on these things because I know I am happier when I feel good about myself, and maybe those extra endorphins will carry my through this stage in my life. : )