C'MON

Just when I thought "Crocs" secured the title of "World's Ugliest Footwear", (except for maybe for "Jellies" which were ugly AND painful *double whammy*) America outdoes itself by choosing an even more horrific style of footwear that easily deserves a life sentence for crimes against humanity/fashion... and it goes by the name Vibram Five Fingers (see below).



For God's sake, why on Earth would you subject the people around you to something so... so... explicit? Is that the word I'm looking for? I don't know... All I know is that I'm offended, and something must be done! I recently saw a man in Downtown Decatur sporting these babies, and I just had to announce my disapproval. So there you have it. I disapprove.

The Piedmont Park Public Pool

Have you ever been to a public pool?

It is a mixture of pleasure and pain. Awkwardness and pure happiness. Relaxation and chaos. Sometimes it's amazing and sometimes... well, it's a public pool.

You see, as of now, I live in the East Atlanta Village, the black sheep of Atlanta's neighborhoods. It's a place where the smell of pot oozes from the front doors and windows of most households as I go for my morning jog. It's a place where we you can't leave a bike outside for 10 minutes without them getting stolen. It's a place where people's dogs run loose and hang out in your front yard. It is NOT a place with luxurious, resort style pools that my heart so desperately desires, which lead me to my recent usage of the Piedmont Park Public Pool.

Don't get me wrong, this pool is really nice. A place to swim laps, a beach-inspired shallow end, and even a lazy river, but there is one thing that you'll find at a public pool that is not often found at a private neighborhood pool... FREAKS. The first time I went by myself, the pool was practically empty and one huge, burly man with long hair came and sat right next to me and read "Twilight" while repeatedly snorting his snot up his nose... not very luxurious, people.

The most recent time I went, I was subjected to experiencing the brunt of some teenage boys' hormonal outbursts. A boy, no older than thirteen came up behind me and gave my butt a DOUBLE squeeze. Not just one, but TWO squeezes on my ass. I was so shocked that this CHILD would do this that I didn't do or say anything except "Oh my God, Diana! That kid just squeezed my ass!" Traumatizing... not luxury.

But that isn't even the worst part... Diana and I went in the whirlpool that spins you around in circles only to be followed in by a teenager going through an extreme awkward phase that wore goggles and was obviously staring at our bodies underwater as we swam... he even came up for air and quietly said "That's all I've ever wanted"... WTH?? What does that MEAN?? NOT luxury.

But... when it's 90+ degrees outside, you do what you gotta do. The pool is awesome, so you should go check it out... just bring headphones, don't look anyone directly in the eye, and watch your ass... literally...