I will start off this post by saying that by no means do I know everything about dating but, what I can tell you is many of my single girlfriends have told me to write down and share my personal advice and I am now following through that that suggestion. After all, there are plenty of things I wish I could have told myself when I started dating as an adult. This may all sound a little corny but, here they are: the things I learned while dating:
1. Don't trust a guy who has no girlfriends. By that I mean, friends that are girls. And, very specifically, girls that are friends that have never dated them. A guy with close girl friends respects women, finds women to be funny and feels that women are worth having all sorts of relationships with, not just romantic ones. I think they will inherently respect and be more inclined to ask for women's opinions. I think a lot of girls see a guy hanging around other women and see it as a threat. It is not; It's a GOOD thing.
2. Opposites attract sounds nice and all but, it's a lot more fun to be with someone who likes to do the things you like to do. I think a sign of a good relationship is one where your partner feels like your best friend. You both deserve to be with someone who shares similar passions. Do not feign interest in sports if you hate sports... it will only come around to bite you in the ass later. Same for guys, don't say that you can "totally get down with a RomCom" if you don't really mean it. If you love being active, you will go NUTS with a total couch potato. And this point directs me to lesson #3...
3. You have no business dating until you have a good relationship with yourself. You need to know what you like, not necessarily in relationships- dating will teach you that, but what you like about your life. Make sure to devote time to your own personal development before trying to show someone else who you are. It definitely makes dating far more enjoyable when you are confident and know you have something to offer instead of trying to find someone to help you discover who you are... that rarely works and puts too much power in the hands of someone you are just getting to know.
4. Dating is not all about THEM, it's about you too. Go places you want to go and see. When they ask you where you would like to go- tell them somewhere you want to go! It sounds silly but so few women use this opportunity to enjoy the city they live in or try something they've always wanted to try. If you make the date itself more about the experience rather than putting so much pressure on the person being someone you can really be with, you will inevitably enjoy it more. That way, it's not all a loss if it doesn't go anywhere.
5. Going on "bad" dates will teach you more about yourself than anything else. How do you handle an awkward situation? Can you still find a way to enjoy yourself even if the person isn't a match? And, not to mention, my bad dates where the best stories to share with friends.
6. It is NOT normal to HATE every single one of your exes. I'm not saying they need to be best friends with them but, c'mon... How can someone HATE ALL of them? What does that say about that person? I know it may cause your ego to inflate temporarily when you hear "how much better you are than the last person" but, first off, they shouldn't be directly comparing you to anyone else and secondly, it just shows that, no matter how good things may start in their relationships, not only do they end but they end BADLY... run! Run for your life! I definitely trust a man who has "friendly" relationships with his exes and doesn't have a million mean things to say about someone once they've broken up. It's nice to know the guy I'm with chose good, sane, nice women as girlfriends and not crazies... although it's normal for them to have one of those and, hey, we all make mistakes!
7. Specifically do not go on dates some weeks and just do things you like and be around the people you love most. It's not your job to find someone as soon as possible. If your approach to dating is relaxed, you will learn more, have more fun and it will be SO much easier to recognize when you've found someone special because they will be the ones that REALLY make you nervous.
8. Ask someone out or let them know you like them... don't always let the guys be the ones choosing... that definitely worked out for me in finding my dream guy ;)
9. Wear exactly what you feel like wearing and do not try to look any particular way that is different from how you normally look. It will only make you feel more confident if things go well if you know they really appreciate you for the way you naturally are.
10. You don't have to date anyone if you don't want to. It's only important if it's something you want.
There you have it. I tried to make this sound like the advice I've dished out to my friends recently and hopefully not like a Cosmo article. My dating days are over but I've learned wonderful lessons and found a relationship that will last a lifetime... not too shabby :)
