Crazy Dog Lady

I have definitely become a bit of a crazy dog lady.

I noticed this yesterday when I was talking to a friend and I started my sentence with, "My dog and I always..." and I was like, "Oh my god, I talk about my dog like he's a person all the time! I am becoming one of THOSE people!!!"

Yes, I have hundreds of pictures of him, talk about him to strangers like he is human, and even plan hang out time with him on the weekends, but, I mean, how can I not? My dog is freaking hilarious. How many dogs do you know that sleep later than their owners? I am the only person I know that has to wake their dog up in the morning to go outside. Even as I'm writing this in my pj's in the living room, Josh just sleepily walked into the room after just waking up. I have been up and moving for over an hour!

Josh has all sorts of weird social issues and habits. Whenever there is a group of new people visiting me, there is about an 85% chance he will start sprinting around all of us in circles until he completely runs out of energy. He is obsessed with being squished. He will always has to find the tiniest spaces and squeeze into them to sleep. And I just walk in on him doing weird things all the time. Just last week I walked into my roommates room to find him sitting and staring directly at a painting- HAHA! He also went through a weird phase about 2 years ago where he would go find a bra in my room and bring it out into the living room-wtf?? hahaha! And don't get me started on the fact that he will literally sit and chew on his own foot for hours on end and the only command I can use to get him to stop is, "JOSH! That is NOT a chicken wing"! haha!

In case you didn't know, Josh was a rescue. I got him from the Humane Society when he was about three years old so he already had a strong personality and a lot of weird habits I had to get used to. For example, you know when you stick your tongue out and blow through your lips to make that fart sound? Josh is scared to DEATH of that sound. He will literally get up and run out of the room and hide under a bed. How does something like that happen?? What kind of weird, farting freak owned Josh before me??

But despite all of his weird social issues and strange habits, I just love this dog! ...Even if he literally walks on my face almost every night.

Life P.B.... Post Break-Up

It's hard to explain the complex emotions that follow a break up. Feelings of sadness- of course, liberation, excitement, fear, anger, confusion, hope, reignited passion for self-development and maybe even a better love. Life P.B. is a whirlwind for sure. I will be walking down the street, swaying my hips like I own the world and suddenly a massive wave of emotion will practically knock me over. I will all of a sudden feel sad or disoriented. I think this is mostly because I am in the process of rediscovering how to live my daily life. Everything feels new. I've said this before but, because I have been in a relationship so long, the only real perception of the single life I have is from TV. And TV tells me that I should be walking around in sexy little outfits, acting sassy, dating all sorts of random people I encounter in the street, working for some women's magazine writing about relationships and spending tons of money I don't have one shoes. As far as I know, this IS the single life... I really won't be able to report back to you until later...

Speaking of mixed emotions, during a break-up, it seems like every F-ing song is speaking to you. Everything from the line in the Fray song "younger now than we were before" to "It's Raining Men" seems like it is supposed to be a reflection of what my life should be like or how I'm feeling. All sorts of songs sound different now. I found myself saying out loud in my car the other day, "Is every f-ing song about love!?!?" That is something I would have never noticed before this. Write about something else, people!

But let me ask you one thing... where did all of these FREAKS come from? When I was in a relationship, men would still ask me out occasionally but they were decent guys that seemed to have things going for them... now that I am single, I am finding myself in the middle of some twisted freak show where random men are licking their teeth at me at the gas station and practically eye-raping me near public restrooms... WTF!? I have to say that I am truly concerned about the state of men at the moment, but I guess it will take meeting a really good one to change my mind.

On a side note, I have always had really vivid dreams about things going on in my life, my fears, my worries, and occasionally something pleasent, but that is very rare. And, let me tell you, my fear of re-entering the dating scene had made itself known in my subconcious even deep into my REM cycle. I have to tell you about this one dream I had two nights ago...

So I had a dream I was running in a 5K with my manager, Missy, and met this guy who looks like a young "Andy" from "The Office". We had a great conversation and then he asked me to go with him for coffee. I told him that I needed to go home to change and I could take him and Missy back to my place while I got ready to go. He came up to my room and we started to make out when he pulled back and said the weirdest F-ing thing I've ever heard..."There are only two kinds of people in the world. The people who have sex with adults and the people who have sex with children". I immediately jumped back and said "what kind of sick thing is that to say!?!?! This is over- I am not going ANYWHERE with you!" He then stomped out of the room like I was the freak, and went to the basement.

I texted Missy something like "This guy is a freak. Let's just go drop him back at the race" and she never responded... I thought that was fishy, so I went down to the basement only to find that he had TIED HER UP and was going to KILL her!! I tried to run back up stairs when he grabbed my ankle and pulled my down. So... ok, this part is really strange, but if you had been to the self-defense course I had taken the week before you would know why this would have happened in my dream... so after he pulled me down the stairs I ripped his eyes out! Yes, people, I, Leighton, ripped a man's eyes out in my dream. Ha ha... wow... I think this dream accurately depicts my ridiculous fear of dating right now, and I actually am even laughing as I am typing it!

Ironically, one of my best friends dreamed the same night about the man I'm meant to be with and left me a message the next morning about it so I could keep my eyes open... BTW, if you meet any African men with thick accents getting their Masters in Social Work at GA State that love to dance and have impeccable style... that's him, I guess. Ask Erin.

Anyways, I am sure this phase of my life will be a very interesting one. One full of hilarious and crazy stories, amazing and horrifying life lessons, and maybe even some pure, unadultarated bliss. I have yet to have an official opinion of this new stage of my life, but I am sure that, if it is nothing else, it will be ...interesting.

Broken Hearts Club

I titled this entry after a very random conversation I had with a waiter yesterday. I went to a restaurant with a good friend to cheer up, have some good conversation, and decide how I am going to rebuild my life after a crushing breakup that happened the day before. We were laughing, talking, and basically discovering that I will be totally fine when the waiter, who I had met through a friend months before asked me how I was doing after my friend went to the restroom.

I hate this question right now... Can I really force myself to say. "fine"? Really? And, if you know me, you KNOW I am the worst liar on the planet and whenever I feel something, I feel it all the way and it is written all over my face.

I went from laughing and feeling like my normal self, to someone who just realized that their life had just completely changed in a blink of an eye. My eyes welled up a bit and I said... "Honestly...not that great." He pulled up a chair and sat down. After talking for a few minutes I discovered he was dealing with the same EXACT thing I am dealing with right now and immediately my perspective on the world changed. I was not the only person piecing their life back together that Sunday.

The night before I was convinced that I was the saddest person on Earth. The only person dealing with any real pain. And the only person that ever really loved someone all the way. After talking with him and hearing the pain that he was dealing with and covering up just like I was, I took a look around the restaurant and thought about all of the people who have hurt and are still hurting. I am not the only one to ever lose something important to them. And, although it makes me sad to know of all the pain there is in the world, it made me realize that people all over are just MOVING ON and not becoming the thing that they are sad about.

Just as it's a choice to wake up and love someone everyday, it is also a choice to let yourself succumb to an emotion that will not benefit your life. With a combination of my own passion and confidence, the amazing support from friends and family I had had that day, and the unexpected "broken hearts club meeting" I had with my waiter, I left feeling so empowered, supported, and understood. Who knew some random waiter could change my entire perspective on my break up? and maybe even the way I look at people in general...

I am feeling much better.

Doughnuts...

I was watching a show today about a cafe in Prague were you can buy a bowl of stale, hard doughnuts for $60 American dollars under the condition that you will start throwing them at people in the restaurant. I love this! Basically, this is based after a novel written in the 1940's where the author described the three types of people in the world: the people who look at a bowl of stale doughnuts and think nothing, the people you look at a bowl of stale doughnuts and think about throwing them at people in the cafe, and the people who look at a bowl of stale doughnuts and actually throw them at people in the cafe.

Unfortunately, I think I fall into the second category. I would love to throw doughnuts at random people in a cafe, but I know that I would feel constrained by my conscience. I would see the doughnuts sitting in that bowl in their sugary, powered glory and invision the jelly inside exploding on the face of some unsuspecting cafe patron while keeping my hands tightly restrained in my pockets and never even thinking about following through with such an insane fantasy. But, I have to say, this doughnut story has inspired me to be the kind of person that "throws the doughnuts". Obviously, by "throwing the doughnuts" I do not always mean literally throwing doughnuts, this could mean anything!

It could mean saying exactly what I want to say to someone exactly when and how I want to say it without reservations or worry of the consequences. It could mean jumping out of an airplane without worrying about the whole death thing. It could mean leaving the country and starting a whole new life somewhere and not looking back. This whole "throwing the doughnuts" thing is a lifestyle, and I am thinking about trying to "throw the doughnuts" a hell of a lot more often than I do now.

So I'm going to start taking more chances, worrying a whole lot less, and just living life more whole heartedly and passionately. After all, who wants to be the kind of person who looks at a bowl of stale doughnuts and doesn't think anything at all ; ).