So, what's the deal with people?

Ok, the title of this blog is inspired by my main man, Jerry Seinfeld because I am about to tell you the most ridiculous Seinfeld-esk story you've ever heard.

So D and I were at Target tonight trying on shoes when a tall, lanky man pushing a shopping cart slowly lurked by and let out a little terradactyl-like screech. Diana and I looked at each other, pressing our lips together, trying to suppress our laughter when we both peeked out of the shoe aisle to see the man slowly turning back in our direction. He walked past our aisle again, this time looking at us while he screeched. We both lost control and started laughing. A few seconds later, he was walking on the opposite side of us, staring right at us and letting out ANOTHER dinosaur noise. D and I could not stop laughing! It was so strange! This crazy dinosaur man was watching us just a little too closely and walking curiously slow.

Finally, after watching him slowly push his cart through the open spaces of the shoe rack, dino-man made his finally pass, this time with a lady friend. How the H does a creepy, middle-aged, slow-walking, dinosaur-impersonating dude find a lady friend while so many normal, pleasant people can't find a date?? So again I ask, what the the DEAL with people, people???

Hmm...

I am not sure about this new 2009 life of mine. Something just does not feel right. I am feeling a little too chained down and, I can't exactly put my finger on it, but I have what I like to call, an "utz". An "utz" is a lot like that feeling you get when you're riding a roller coaster, and after a big drop, you feel stomachless and eerily empty. It's a feeling of being out of control and, ultimately, just strange.

I normally feel exhilarated by new things. Newness normally fills me up, but now, I am drowning in newness and trying to surround myself with the comfort of the familiar. I am not quite sure what I would do without Darius right now. He is the only one who knows the scope of my dreams and what really makes me feel alive, and without him to guide me back to those feelings, I am sure I would have already lost my mind.

But, despite it all, I still feel like amazing things are going to happen for me this year. And those amazing things will feel even better coming after such a strange and uncomfortable time period.

So often, we all forget to take it all in. Normally, it's not until something is missing that we start to look harder at the world and notice the little things that feel good. When everything is perfect, I don't realize how good it feels to take a nice, long, deep, breath or how good it actually feels to laugh. So, for now, while I try to determine a cure for this 2009 "utz", I will remedy its symptoms with yoga, friends, and, most importantly, LOVE.

I have to remember how lucky I am to have this unrelenting, passionate, and EASY love in my life. Its always there. I don't have to question it, work for it, it never runs out, and, damnit, it's FREE. A to the MEN.

New Beginnings...

It's like I'm reliving my first day of school. I am the new kid and for the first time in my life, I am keeping a little to myself, trying to take everything in. I am excited and overwhelmed but overall, I can't wait to become a more resourceful and useful person.

I can't believe I have my own office, and I really can't believe that I said "Meet me in my office" several times in the past two days. In a way I feel like a kid masquerading as an adult despite my confidence and maturity. It will take a lot of getting used to, but I feel pretty sure that this will be a GREAT beginning to my career.

At my yoga class tonight, the teacher read a passage from one of her favorite books...

"Freedom is not freedom from the world. It is freedom within it."

What a helpful phrase for this time in my life. In one way I feel like I've become just another one of "them" driving in rush hour, taking lunch breaks, and stressing over things that would not even phase me in the "real world" but on the other hand, I can choose to lose myself in this work. I can learn to feel free within this new environment and within my work. Free to be creative and to be myself.

It will take some time to make this new life feel like my own, but the reality is, it IS mine and I will love it as I have come to love many challenging things in my life. For now, I will try to find some plants that can flourish in fluorescent lighting and, well, I guess I hope that I will too : )



"Accept the challenges so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.”

FINALLY!

It's only after I haven't seen the sun in days that I realize that my body just might run entirely on solar power.

Oh you big ball of burning gas in the sky, you! Thanks for being so great!

Do adults still sing into the mirror?

It's hard to believe that in less than one week, I will officially be an adult. I will have a full-time job... no, wait, CAREER, and the days of sleeping until noon will be over, except for the occasional weekend, of course. I keep thinking about how old I thought people were that had "real" jobs even just a few years ago. Am I one of them now? Will I even be distinguishable from the other working ADULTS walking down the street? I don't even feel old enough to have graduated from college, much less be walking through Downtown Atlanta in my office wear on my lunch break! And the craziest thing is that I can see the Georgia State campus from my building! The song "Working for the Weekend" is echoing in my head and I am bracing myself for the day-to-day life of a working woman.

Don't get me wrong, I could not be happier or more excited to start this job. I couldn't be working for a more amazing organization and I couldn't be more thankful for this opportunity, especially during a recession (!), but I am just experiencing a mini life crisis resulting from the realization that I am not a kid anymore. I never considered an 18 year-old an adult, I mean, have you ever met an 18 year-old? No, way. They're still kids. I think adulthood is more of a choice. A choice to be independent and create a life of your own for yourself. I don't think adulthood is at all related to the number of candles on your birthday cake. It comes from not only accepting but welcoming responsibility and, for that, I feel ready.

For my last three years of college all I wanted was to work for a non-profit that made a difference in people's lives and their communities and, wow, here I am. I actually wanted something, worked for it, and GOT it! Nothing is more inspiring than that! I am so excited to have taken the first step in my CHOSEN career path and, as I said in my interview, there are so many jobs where someone will wake up in the morning and ask themselves "What will happen if I go to work today?" but then there are jobs that matter so greatly in the lives of people that your choice has much greater implications. You have to ask yourself, "What will happen if I do not go to work today?" and the answer, in my case, would be, children will go without someone to look up to, someone to trust, and most importantly, someone to love them and I just cannot have that.

I cannot wait to work for an organization that improves the quality of so many children's lives here in Atlanta, and whether or not I am willing to accept the fact that I am an adult, I can definitely accept that! So, for now I am just trying to accumulate a wardrobe suitable for an office ( I guess that means no more earrings that reach my collar bone or four inch heels) and prepare to begin a new and exciting chapter in my life.



Change is good : )